August 27 1999 Email To A Friend
Friday August 27, 1999- 12:02:45 AM

O My Brother,

Why is it so difficult for us to simply write a few lines to each other every week? Please realize I ask this of myself at least as much as of you. I would like to keep in better touch with those who are important to me than I do.

I suppose it has much to do with the perceived routine nature of my life coupled with the fact that I am a private, bordering on secretive, person. I am also a very self-fulfillling person. I don't feel the need to get advice from others about things in my life because I feel like I have the ability to figure out everything on my own. (Of course, I mean with the help of the Lord) Whether I actually can or not I leave for someone more objective to determine...

I hope you are doing well. Forgive me for being so ignorant (although it isn't entirely my fault...), but are you still in school? Did you get any of the jobs you had told me about previously? If, so I had not heard.

My new position is going well enough. It isn't hard. It's just a matter of learning how things work. That is, how our modelling system works. I know the basics, but there are things I'm still figuring out. I enjoy it enough to keep at it when it isn't too dull. Sometimes the most difficult thing for me is staying on task...

Isaiah was 5 months old last Sunday. He is getting so big. He is a very happy baby. He can entertain himself very well. He doesn't have any teeth yet, but he has plenty of hair. He is eating baby food now. Carrots, green beans, banannas, spinach, pears, peaches, etc. all in a form only recognizable by color. I have tried a couple of times to feed him this way, but I'm not very good at it. He gets very impatient with the feeder, whoever it is. If you don't shovel it in fast enough he starts wailing. He also gets very messy when he eats solids since he hasn't yet quite mastered the operation of getting the food off the spoon and down his throat yet, so some inevitably oozes down his chin, and from his chin to his tummy or ANYWHERE.

I am writing this from work (where I'm having a hard time staying on task today) so I'll have to remember to send you some pictures later tonight.

This is the point in the message where progress slows. I want to tell you about what is new and exciting in my life- what new strides I have made and what new things I have done. I want to tell you about all the things I have encountered that keep my life from being routine. I want to but... That is why progress slows here. I suppose my life has become rather routine.

That's OK, it doesn't bother me. I don't mind routine, I just want to have something to show for it, you know? I want to be able to say "Oh, yeah, last August- that was when I /insert verb and object of verb here/. I remember that well. Yes, that was very rewarding." I want to have something I can point to as a marker of how I spent my time (if nothing else). Also, I guess, I want to have something to spend the time on so that I can feel it being spent instead of dozing as it evaporates. Unfortunately, I am cursed with inherent lethargy. My default state, it all too frequently seems, is on the couch at home watching TV with a Coke in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. Don't get me wrong, I perceive value in time spent in such a manner- when it is done in moderation. As a standard operating procedure, though, it is less than satisfactory.

Of course, when I don't get home from work until 6:30 and when I do, the boy is crying and needs to be changed and while I change him, Ruth makes him a bottle, and then after he has his bottle and dozes off, there is an errand we have to go do, and then when we get home it's 9 pm and we haven't eaten yet and by the time dinner is made and eaten it's 10:30 and I am either already helplessly and uncontrollably falling asleep, or ready to do nothing but relax for a few minutes so I either turn on the TV or dial-up the computer and if I watch TV I am soon dozing and if I dial-up the computer there is either someone online to chat with or there is something I want to look at and all of a sudden I realize it is an hour after when I wanted to go to bed...

That is a perfect illustration of how the days slip away. I need to figure out some way to buck the trend- some way to clear away the haze of fullspeed routine and savor the taste of at least a few days each week. Every now and then I manage to, but it is a battle to do so on an ongoing basis.

I want to feel as vibrant and alive all day every day, as I do when Isaiah looks at me from across the room and his face changes from his normal deep-in-thought expression to a beautiful beaming smile at his Daddy. Of course, I realize it is not possible to feel this way all the time. I just want to increase my daily percentage.

Well, I suppose you can only tolerate so much of my maudlin self indulgence before you begin to yawn, so I'll draw this message to a close. Please write soon, My Brother, I'd like to know how you are doing.

Your Pal Roger

Note: The above began as an email to a good friend (I imagine you know who you are after reading this), but I soon decided it would make a good edition of the TOV. Hopefully you do not mind, My Brother, and thank you for your understanding

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