Friday August 27, 1999- 12:02:45 AM
O My Brother,
Why is it so difficult for us to simply write a few lines to each other every
week? Please realize I ask this of myself at least as much as of you. I would
like to keep in better touch with those who are important to me than I do.
I suppose it has much to do with the perceived routine nature of my life coupled
with the fact that I am a private, bordering on secretive, person. I am also a
very self-fulfillling person. I don't feel the need to get advice from others
about things in my life because I feel like I have the ability to figure out
everything on my own. (Of course, I mean with the help of the Lord) Whether I
actually can or not I leave for someone more objective to determine...
I hope you are doing well. Forgive me for being so ignorant (although it isn't
entirely my fault...), but are you still in school? Did you get any of the jobs
you had told me about previously? If, so I had not heard.
My new position is going well enough. It isn't hard. It's just a matter of
learning how things work. That is, how our modelling system works. I know the
basics, but there are things I'm still figuring out. I enjoy it enough to keep
at it when it isn't too dull. Sometimes the most difficult thing for me is
staying on task...
Isaiah was 5 months old last Sunday. He is getting so big. He is a very happy
baby. He can entertain himself very well. He doesn't have any teeth yet, but he
has plenty of hair. He is eating baby food now. Carrots, green beans, banannas,
spinach, pears, peaches, etc. all in a form only recognizable by color. I have
tried a couple of times to feed him this way, but I'm not very good at it. He
gets very impatient with the feeder, whoever it is. If you don't shovel it in
fast enough he starts wailing. He also gets very messy when he eats solids since
he hasn't yet quite mastered the operation of getting the food off the spoon and
down his throat yet, so some inevitably oozes down his chin, and from his chin
to his tummy or ANYWHERE.
I am writing this from work (where I'm having a hard time staying on task today)
so I'll have to remember to send you some pictures later tonight.
This is the point in the message where progress slows. I want to tell you about
what is new and exciting in my life- what new strides I have made and what new
things I have done. I want to tell you about all the things I have encountered
that keep my life from being routine. I want to but... That is why progress
slows here. I suppose my life has become rather routine.
That's OK, it doesn't bother me. I don't mind routine, I just want to have
something to show for it, you know? I want to be able to say "Oh, yeah, last
August- that was when I /insert verb and object of verb here/. I remember that
well. Yes, that was very rewarding." I want to have something I can point to as
a marker of how I spent my time (if nothing else). Also, I guess, I want to
have something to spend the time on so that I can feel it being spent instead of
dozing as it evaporates. Unfortunately, I am cursed with inherent lethargy. My
default state, it all too frequently seems, is on the couch at home watching TV
with a Coke in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. Don't get me wrong, I
perceive value in time spent in such a manner- when it is done in moderation. As
a standard operating procedure, though, it is less than satisfactory.
Of course, when I don't get home from work until 6:30 and when I do, the boy is
crying and needs to be changed and while I change him, Ruth makes him a bottle,
and then after he has his bottle and dozes off, there is an errand we have to
go do, and then when we get home it's 9 pm and we haven't eaten yet and by the
time dinner is made and eaten it's 10:30 and I am either already helplessly and
uncontrollably falling asleep, or ready to do nothing but relax for a few
minutes so I either turn on the TV or dial-up the computer and if I watch
TV I am soon dozing and if I dial-up the computer there is either someone
online to chat with or there is something I want to look at and all of a sudden
I realize it is an hour after when I wanted to go to bed...
That is a perfect illustration of how the days slip away. I need to figure out
some way to buck the trend- some way to clear away the haze of fullspeed routine
and savor the taste of at least a few days each week. Every now and then I
manage to, but it is a battle to do so on an ongoing basis.
I want to feel as vibrant and alive all day every day, as I do when Isaiah looks
at me from across the room and his face changes from his normal deep-in-thought
expression to a beautiful beaming smile at his Daddy. Of course, I realize it is
not possible to feel this way all the time. I just want to increase my daily
Well, I suppose you can only tolerate so much of my maudlin self indulgence before
you begin to yawn, so I'll draw this message to a close. Please write soon, My Brother,
I'd like to know how you are doing.
Your Pal Roger
Note: The above began as an email to a good friend (I imagine you know who you are after reading this), but I soon decided it would make a good edition of the TOV. Hopefully you do not mind, My Brother, and thank you for your understanding
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